Growing Up (Old)

I really must be entering a new phase of life. I actually turned down a Modest Mouse concert on Sunday night, which I had been so excited for in the days prior. I just got tired and decided it would be too much to deal with. When did this happen to me? When did I start turning down concerts of bands that I love because standing until midnight sounded too tiring? I guess it happened when I got a real job. I worry that my ten hour work days seem so long and gruelling that I'm inclined to give up those things that I genuinely love doing because they have become too demanding of time and energy. Or maybe I'm just getting old!

When I was in junior high I used to say that I wanted to start having kids at 23 because I wanted to be a young, in touch parent. The last time I remember making that statement was maybe my freshman year in high school. Ten years seemed so removed from my reality back then. Now I'm 23, and while I feel like an old lady in one respect, I still feel so much like a kid that I can't imagine wanting to have one of my own right now. I mean, after seeing how quickly the past five years have gone by, I wonder, when am I going to feel ready or adult enough to take on that role? Ten years? At this point, I think that I'd want to start trying for kids about when 30 hits. But is that really so? Thirty's probably closer than I think. I still need to decide what I want to be when I grow up. I wonder when I'm going to stop feeling like a kid and starting identifying myself as an adult. Quite honestly, I'm not looking forward to it.