Shit Talkers

I must say, shit talkers are my favorite kind of talkers. This world is filled with an overabundance is boring talkers, slow talkers, fast talkers, incessant talkers, full-of-shit talkers, annoying voice/intonation talkers, interrupters, etc. And I recently realized that I don’t hang out with nearly enough shit talkers. This realization came to me when Dave, a friend from college who recently moved here, came to hang out last Friday night. Dave can be a shit talker, but I think it takes a certain environment to bring it out of him. Now, our friend Will, from college, was in town visiting and he can definitely shit talk. Additionally, three of Dave’s friends joined him for our Friday night excursions; all shit talkers.

But here’s the thing: you have to be the right kind of shit talker. You can’t just be an asshole – I mean downright unpleasant – that doesn’t work. If you want to be a good shit talker, you have to establish right away that not only are you prepared to dish out some shit, but you’re prepared to take it too. And also, that this talking shit is purely lighthearted and that you are essentially using it as a tool to become more comfortable with someone. Here’s what I mean. When I arrived at Emily’s house, where the cohorts were awaiting mass –eh hem- juice consumption, I was greeted almost immediately with shit talk. I was fine with this, I felt completely at ease. I even felt safe, somehow. Like whatever I said, no matter how outrageous, would be fine. And conversely, whatever was said to me, no matter how offensive, was fine too. Furthermore, the more witty banter I’m around, the better I am at coming up with my own… witty banter. Sure, that night most of the laughs were not a result of my dishing, but hey, I felt more on-point than ever! (hopefully I just felt that way and that wasn't really my life's moment of conversational glory thus far)

Basically, it’s all in the delivery. That’s where people go wrong. Oh, and you’ve got to be funny. If you’re not funny, forget it… you’re not getting any laughs. No, you’re getting vindictive glares.

So from now on I intend to surround myself with more shit talkers. I guess that’s the moral of my story(?).